Espresso! My Espresso! An Ongoing Internet Novel

I was notified of a Major Award! No, this is not a reenactment of the “A Christmas Story” scene so there is no 'leg lamp' to be seen here.
Anyone with a business gets numerous commercial messages and offers, mainly from China. I also get dozens of messages from the various coffee and restaurant shows. The worst of which are from those selling the list of participants and their contact information. I try to opt out of these, but they are relentless. A few times I have been forced to reply with some very unkind threats. But the one to which this chapter refers is different.
This morning I received the following email:

It is our pleasure to inform you that Espresso! My Espresso! an Ongoing Internet Novelette has been selected for the 2019 Best of Oroville Awards in the category of Media & Entertainment.

I know Chico has public voting for the “Best of Chico” awards each year so at first I was just a little excited; for the first three seconds or so. Their message goes on to say:

For details and more information please view our website: 2019 Best of Oroville Awards - Media & Entertainment [insecure hyper-link removed]
Best Regards,
Oroville Business Recognition

A brief Googling reveals:

There is no 2019 Best of Oroville Awards

Therefor there is no category of “Media & Entertainment” for the awards given.

There is no Oroville Business Recognition

To be fair, someone may have put a copyright on the award names, but a search revealed nothing having to do with the town of Oroville, California and no “Best of Oroville Awards.”
So I went to the site and found out that, indeed, I won an award. At this point the question one must ask is, how did I earn this award? Was it my service to the coffee community in general? For nearly twenty years of dedication? For my good looks? The website states, "Each year, in and around the Oroville area, the Oroville Award Program chooses only the best local businesses.." So, I was chosen. Not quite as good as being one of God's chosen people, but I take what I can get.
I clicked on how to receive my award. Are you ahead of me yet? Here is the plaque I could receive:

The beautiful plaque shown above in this digital facsimile can be
purchased and proudly displayed at my place of business for just $149.98.

And for a total $229.98 (a $349.98 value!) I can have the award plaque
AND this crystal award to display at my other place of business.
One for the kitchen and one for the bathroom of the RV
in which I have been living for ten months.

Let's put a bit of whipped cream on this dessert. The usual 'remove-from-list' link appeared at the bottom of the email in such small print that it was barely visible. But among the lines of micro-text was:

Business Recognition, PO Box 1XXXX, Newark, New Jersey

And so that there is at least a modicum of educational value here, that's approximately 4000 air miles from Oroville. They could have at least sent me a ballpoint pen with my company's name on it.

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